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JARROD Witts wants to be a big man playing "big and tall and tough" football.
He wishes his fierce internal drive was reflected on the football field so he wasn't accused of a laconic, laid-back air.
Above all, he is frustrated it has taken him so long to get fit and strong enough to compete against the AFL's best ruckman.
WE'RE NOWHERE NEAR TOP 4: BUCKS
About the only thing this 209cm Collingwood ruckman doesn't care about is the fallout from his boundary-line interaction with Nathan Buckley.
That incident was raw and public and confronting, as coach Buckley grabbed Witts by the jumper to demand more during Round 14's loss to Hawthorn.
Explaining that episode for the first time, Witts says it was his failure to defend two Hawthorn long bombs into Collingwood's defence that cause Buckley's "overt" reaction.
Nathan Buckley gives Jarrod Witts some direct feedback in the loss to Hawthorn. Picture: Wayne Ludbey Source: News Corp Australia
"It was some of my aerial efforts. It's something I have been working on since I got drafted. I came from a rugby background and wasn't exposed to the high ball as much, but he knew and I knew those efforts weren't up to standard and I was happy to wear it,'' Witts told the Sunday Herald Sun.
"I let one aerial ball go over the top and they scored a goal from it. It is something I am working on really hard with Anthony Rocca.
"(Buckley) does what is best for the person, and not just the footy player. It is a real strength of his, but footy is a passionate sport, so sometimes those emotions bubble over."
But as Buckley grabbed him, exhorting more from the 21-year-old, what was going through Witts' mind?
"I understood it. Emotions can be raw. I would prefer Bucks to do it than let it go.
"He showed that he cares. I am pretty intrinsically motivated but for Bucks to show that care in me and interest in my game, it was fine. It didn't really phase me. We spoke about it on the phone after the game and in the rooms briefly. We have always been on good terms. He is a really empathetic coach."
Levi Casboult and Jarrod Witts contest. Picture: Colleen Petch. Source: News Corp Australia
If Buckley would apologise for the manner of his feedback, Witts has been working on its actual content for his entire career and 20 senior games at Collingwood.
As Buckley said, of his big men: "We want them to play big and tall and tough and have blokes stand up taller around them".
Former NSW scholarship rookie Witts, who mixed cricket and rugby before the Pies swooped with a stroke of recruiting genius, says he wants to throw his weight around.
"Big men being big is something I am working on. I would say that I don't come across like that overtly, but deep down I go out to play hard.
"I reckon that overtly I don't come across as a huff-and-puff ruckman, but deep down I am trying to play as hard as I can.
"People say big guys take longer, but I want to be that player and it's frustrating to not be there now. I can't let myself off the hook. I took a couple of big marks against Carlton and it gives you belief that all the work you are doing is paying off."
Witts might be a work in progress, but just for the moment he has seen off a dual premiership player in Darren Jolly and another much-hyped ruckman in Brodie Grundy.
Jarrod Witts and Dane Swan clown around at training. Pic Wayne Ludbey. Source: News Corp Australia
Part of it is physical — learning how to carry the extra 15kg of muscle on his frame — but much of it has come through being taught how to mentally cope with the rigours of professional sport.
A handful of VFL games before being elevated to the senior list saw Next Big Thing status attached to Witts: "I played a couple of good VFL games and there was this massive hype".
But when the criticism and uncertainty came, he turned to what he dubs a mental performance coach.
"You come into footy and get told things or told you are not good enough, and sometimes you think, "Maybe I am not".
"I am at the stage where through that training and dealing with outside perceptions, I have got a lot better. I take it in my stride and don't worry so much about what's been written on the outside. Before I probably let that build up inside.
"We talk about different strategies and keeping positive. Sometimes I lose concentration so it's about switching on for longer periods of time.
"Just because I don't have a good first quarter, I don't have to have a bad game."
Buckley and the club have already shown their faith in Witts, signing him until the end of 2016 before he played a game.
His Sydney-based girlfriend has just moved into a house he shares with Paul Seedsman, Dayne Beams and his girlfriend.
He isn't yet 22, but if he takes a moment he will concede he has come so far in the blink of an eye.
"Yeah, it's a pretty special opportunity I have been given. I just have to make the most of it. I guess I have to take a step back and look at how far I have come. I am happy with where I am at, but now I have to go to the next level and put my foot down as a player."