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Ben Barba ... opens up in an exclusive interview on Sterlo. Source:AAP
Ben Barba says his drinking buddies in the notorious "Epic Bender Crew" aren't to blame for his dramatic fall from grace, despite admitting to spending his darkest days with them, drinking and gambling as a way of "escaping from the world".
Speaking in a one-on-one interview for the first time since he was removed from his club side, Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs, to attend a rehab clinic on the eve of round one, Barba revealed on Fox Sports' Sterlo show his partying had become a problem soon after the break-up of his relationship with long-term partner and mother of his children, Ainslie Currie.
In the days after the explosive press conference when Bulldogs CEO Todd Greenberg alluded to some of the issues being faced by Barba, reports started to emerge of the "crew" known as the EBC, who Barba would spend long nights with. While reports referred to the EBC as the Epic Bender Crew, the player referred to the group as the Elite Bender Crew during the Sterlo interview.
Barba went as far as having EBC tattooed on his torso - an image that was infamously circulated on social media soon afterwards.
But while Barba admitted alcohol and gambling were at the core of the issues that landed him in the South Pacific rehab clinic, he wasn't interested in transferring the blame.
"When I was feeling down, or feeling blue, my only way of escaping was drinking alcohol or gambling an excess amount," Barba said.
"After being in that clinic (it became clear) it is a problem.
"That was my way of escaping the life of football and all that kind of stuff. As I said, I joined a crew, a drinking crew, which they sort of spotlighted in the media.
"It wasn't so much me joining a crew, it was just a group of mates of mine who I enjoyed having a beer with and, I guess, it wasn't them to be blamed, it was me: the person doing all the drinking and trying to escape from all the problems in football that I was having.
"It was my decision to hang out with these people. I'd known some of them for quite a while and like I said, it was just a group of my mates I enjoyed having a beer with and we thought, why not get a tattoo about it.
"As I said, it was my way of escaping from the world, and what was going on around me. And I guess hiding from the truth."
Barba accepts that he would have been better off surrounding himself by better influences.
Catch Sterlo LIVE at 7.30pm Thursday on Fox Sports 1HD for the best weekly analysis of the NRL.
"I think (I would change) a lot of my decision-making over the last six months, going back to the alcohol and all that kind of stuff," Barba said.
"And how much I was drinking of a week, especially over the pre-season.
"Not blaming those people, but choosing the right people to hang out with sometimes. As I said those blokes are my mates, the Elite Bender Crew, so just making the right choices and I probably wouldn't have been in this position if I made the right choices then."
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The alcohol and the gambling were the tipping point but Barba revealed thoughts about his family and his childhood formed the darkness that clouded the choices he made.
After years spent with his childhood sweetheart from Mackay, Currie, Barba's life crashed down around his ears when the relationship ended towards the end of last year.
When he first realised he wasn't in a state-of-mind to be playing football, it was his two kids he shares with Currie who he was thinking about.
"It was very difficult. I've known my partner, my ex-partner now, for a long time and we'd been together for a long time," Barba said.
"And I guess coming to the decision I guess to split with her and leave my two kids behind played a big role in what was going on inside my head.
"I guess there were signs there at training. And I guess before a game, in the only trial I played this year, my mind wasn't on what I was supposed to be doing.
"It was a long, long way away from that field down in Goulburn.
"We'd come off at half-time and the only thing in my mind wasn't the game or what just happened on the field, it was what was happening with my partner and my kids and what were they doing and that kind of stuff.
"Not one bit was I thinking about the game and I knew there and then that I was letting my teammates down if I didn't get help."
And when he was facing his demons in rehab, it was the thought of being reunited with his kids, along with a desire to honour the trust placed in him by Des Hasler, that got him through.
"It's quite weird because you're not allowed any contact with the outside world while you're in there," Barba revealed.
"You get a visit on Sunday and one phone call a week unless you've got kids, which I was lucky enough I had.
"Des was pretty good, he knew when he first put me in there he told me to trust him and to knuckle down and work hard because the ultimatum was put the effort in here or there's no coming back to football.
"For times there I struggled a bit and I wanted to pack up and leave and go into hiding somewhere but he came around, they allowed him to come in and see me, and just the emotion he showed towards me on trusting him and knowing there'd be a better outcome if I stayed in there and worked through it, he's been such a big help to me this last year, and especially through this tough time."
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